We’re All In This Together

Several years ago, I still remember Dori always wondering why we seldom fight. I personally like the fact that we never often do but once issues come around, you can expect one hot fight to happen.

In every relationship, I believe that conflicts arising once in a while can still be considered healthy. But to have those arguments as often as daily, then this can become one serious matter to handle. Arguments can only still be healthy if you maintain that goal of agreeing on one thing than proving that one of you is right.

There is no way that you can win an argument by only proving that you are the one who is right. You should go back to the root problem that arguments can happen when something has bothered you about the other person, something offensive has been done, or you actually stumble upon a misunderstanding that you both agree was a misunderstanding.

This is one good thing that I applaud me and Dori about: with our every argument, we make it our goal to come up with a solution that will be satisfactory to us both. It takes some shouting sometimes just to release some of that steam, especially someone like me who seldom gets angry, but blows off easy.

The key is to come up with a solution. Come back to the history of it all that you love each other. And that this should not change even when disagreements come. You do not literally fight each other; you fight with each other for the relationship to survive.

The Big M

Love is grand. Divorce is worth a hundred grand.

So stay in love, no matter what, if you do not want to double your expenses in the long run.

\m/

To my nieces (and probably nephew) planning to and getting married soon, may you be guided by these three principles of MARRIAGE:

1. Love alone is NOT enough for a marriage to work; FEAR OF THE LORD is. You have to make a firm resolve that your life as a married person will be completely devoted to creating a family that is reflective of the Lord's love and goodness. Being Christ-centered means honoring and serving your partner, working together towards the enrichment and building of each other's character in the way Jesus showed us, dying for oneself because you're not two individuals anymore with your own separate desires but united already as ONE in marriage. May you both have a burning desire to seek His will in all the decisions that you have to do as a married couple, being aware of your roles as a man and a woman in the marriage. For guidance, read Ephesians 5:21-33.

2. Marriage is a LIFETIME bond. Therefore, make sure you can visualize the rest of your life with your partner, that no matter how ugly and old and fat he/she gets, you will love unconditionally, unchanging and unselfishly, loving your partner as you love yourself. That is called AGAPE love, the God kind of love. That does not mean you will tolerate each other's sinful nature, instead strengthen each other in weakness and practice tough love.

3. RESPECT and SUBMISSION to one another are the foundation of a good marriage. "Submit to one another OUT OF REVERENCE FOR CHRIST." Remember, when you get married, you are not alone anymore in any decision you make, so communication is paramount to a harmonious relationship. There would be many times you will have varied opinions and views, but the key is to meet halfway, kick ego and stupid drama away, stand on the side of sensibility and wise judgment, and come up with a COMPROMISE that would work for BOTH. You can best express your love for one another by respecting and celebrating each person's uniqueness. Learn from each other and make 'good change' a part of your unchanging love for one another. Make certain you hold each other's TRUST dearly, for once broken, it might be like going through hell to regain.


I am so happy you chose a path greater than the road I travel in the "Singleblessedness Road". Count on me to always be praying for you, that grace abound your relationships, and that all things would work out for your good, so that as married couples, you will be a great addition to the Lord's ministry. I wish you joy and overflowing love all the days of your married life!

Knowing When Christ Is The Center of Relationships - Part 3

You know Christ is the center of your relationship when:

3 - You set your hopes and dreams for each other on God instead of merely trusting it all on each other.

Both of you should not solely rely on each other all the time to pray to God for the relationship to work. You alone are responsible and accountable enough to help the relationship work by planting more on your faith, so that you would have so many good things to share to each other.

There are simply holes in any kind of relationship that we could never mend no matter how hard we try or put in. This is to serve as proof that for these holes, God is the only one who can take the place of mending and filling them up. God loves us more than anyone of us can love others.

How could any relationship be better than loving each other and being aware of how grateful you should both be to the Lord for allowing you to spend life together?

Knowing When Christ Is The Center of Relationships - Part 2

You know Christ is the center of your relationship when:

2 – You do not fall in love. You walk in love, together. (holding hands in the spirit)

Many people usually stumble upon the wrong perspective that you date around and find someone to be in a relationship – only to replace the last one you were with. We forget to think that every new person we meet is like having a brand new book you are so interested to read and know how things will turn out to be in the end. 

This just means that when you date, you must go out with someone whom you are ‘considering’ to be spending the rest of your life with. Of course, others may say that living that kind of dating life is hard, idealistic and full of pressure. Henceforth we placed quotation marks around the word considering. This means that you should not just get a relationship. You should be in it. 

One of the most important things compatibility factors you should consider is that desire for God to be in the midst of your relationship. That is one most people forget to take note of. As a couple, you must build up each other’s faith and you can start by simple encouragements that go a long way. 

If you do not want your relationship to stumble, then you better not start with ‘falling’ in love when you can love better by ‘walking’ in love. 

*to be continued

Knowing When Christ Is The Center of Relationships - Part 1

This blog is upon Dori’s request for me to talk about how one can tell if you have Christ right in the center of your relationship. As what I have told her as well, it would not be that simple to answer and this might lead me to writing a very long blog entry. Hence, we shall make my perception on this as a series of blog entries for the coming days – so as to be consistent with not overwhelming you with too much too chew just on a single day. 

You know Christ is the center of your relationship when:

1 -You concentrate on being the right person instead of finding the right person for you.

It can take you forever in searching for the right person you have always dreamed of and still end up alone. You should focus yourself instead on God’s love and how you can be an effective channel of that love to someone who can be special to you. When you have Jesus in the center of your relationship, you are mindful that the definition of God’s love for you is not searching of how someone else can make you feel. If you do not have God’s love within you first, then it is quite impossible for you to love someone else too. If you love Him first and make Him the center of your life, then He would give you the love of your life without even wasting a drop of a sweat. 

"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." Matthew 6:33

*to be continued

Dealing With Cheating

‘Cheating’ can be such a dreaded word to many. We may find a lot of suggestions especially from married couple on how you would handle cheating in relationships, but the truth is that there is no wrong or right answer to it. There are those who never get past the denial stage while some choose a confrontation, forgive and move on. But even the most successful relationships that have forgiven and forgotten still somehow end up in a certain pattern of infidelity. There are others who just simply walk out of the relationship.

The best thing one can do is to take full responsibility for your choice of a partner. Admit it. You may have at one point valued other things above your happiness as a couple. Maybe you have been way too clingy and hard to accept the truth. 

We are not saying that you have yourself to blame above all these. What we mean with taking responsibility is being able to stand up for the role you take in the relationship, take of note of all the lessons learned, forgive and move on, way away from it. You must be able to grow from the experience of loving and that is by learning how to shift from just seeing your relationship with partner as mere attachment but also to an abundant life full of peace of mind, joy and security. 

The key in steering away from cheating in relationships is to figure out the kind of connection you are comfortable with. You should be able to recognize what would work best for you since everyone is unique. And if at one point in your life, you have cheated or been cheated, remember the lessons it taught you. Most often the best lessons in life are the ones that result to total heartbreak.

We wish everyone relationships that are abundant in love and peace this 2011!

*Photo via google images

Healthy Relationships for the New Year 2011

As new beginnings come with the New Year, the journey that we have taken have gradually led us closer to understanding what relationships are truly about. Even while understanding that this world that we live in can be understandably unstable, we cannot help but sometimes be visited with winds of fears and insecurities. Relationships are truly hard enough and issue that come blind us like sandstorms can truly push us away from each other if we will not be strong enough to persist. 

Here are some of the simplest lessons we can share on how you can overcome your fears and be able to come up with a very healthy relationship. 

Create Your Own Definition of What’s Normal. You must stop looking at others and how others successfully live and create their relationships. You must stop doubting if you are doing things right or wrong, or whether you are odd or normal. Just settle for what works for the two of you. 

Consider Your Relationship As A Project. It needs work, time – and lots of these two! Trust may be hard to invest on and hence do it in a very slow manner. Allow it to grow naturally through time for things are much better learned if you both have the willingness to share. 

Put a Halt On Lying. Some may really find this as a god way to avoid problems, issues and conflicts – but believe me; it will just catch up with you in the long run, as a much stronger force, which makes things much worse too. 

Have the Courage to Stop Basing Your Decisions Upon Others’ Approval  Or With What Feels Safe. It is about time that you see things that happen in your relationship within yourself too. If you will fail to believe yourself and practice standing your ground, then it would be impossible too to believe and see that is within your partner in life.

To have a healthy relationship requires a lot of daily perseverance. In the coming year, we might find ourselves struggling, making mistakes and feelings utterly discouraged at times. But we are hoping that all of us would see the relationships that we have in our lives as the source of love, light, trust, happiness, security, sharing growth and the other joys that we desire. Besides, we will never know if we will never take the challenge. You will never have the love you want if you are always afraid to die for it.