Thursday, June 25, 2009


For communication to have meaning it must have a life. It must transcend "you and me" and become "us". If I truly communicate, I see in you a life that is not me and partake of it. And you see and partake of me. In a small way we then grow out of our old selves and become something new. To have this kind of sharing I cannot enter a conversation clutching myself. I must enter it with loose boundaries. I must give myself to the relationship, and be willing to be what grows out of it.

From Notes to Myself - Hugh Prather

Auj says...

We often hear the old cliche of saying that we often hear but we don't really get to listen. The usual scenario of having someone in front of you, you get a nod, you somehow assume you are being heard, but you just get a blank stare as a matter of fact. And then you'd hear how the old movie script goes between sweethearts, "hey, are you there?" or "where were you? are you with me?" or better off "are we on the same page?"

How do we listen? How do we let the other feel that we really care just by simple gestures of sincere nodding or a genuine focus of eye attention that would make you melt at that very point in times of conversing? What makes a conversation relevant? Yes, we may know how to define communication, but how do we really implement it in any kind of relationship? What blocks it? What makes us shake when those same blocks start tumbling down on our heads and witness the start of a breakdown?

Those who often claim that the reason of their relationship's failure is lack of communication revolves around statements that sound like these:

- 'There are lots of things that I don't understand about us.'
- 'There are lots of things that I can't seem to comprehend about this love that we hold for each other.'
- 'If you would always listen to what others would say instead of what I have to say first, then we are headed for nothing...'
- 'You never tell me what's wrong.'

or the worst would be this:

- 'We never really talked...'

To listen requires more than just using your pair of ears. Do you even know that we lose so much more that we have to know when we pretend to be listening rather than just literally not being there and missing the whole actual doing of hearing? We lose and watch our quasar of love die down with its own light when we get afflicted with speculations rather than be comforted with assurances. The heart is what we should not put to a close. If we would only listen with it. If we would only listen to one another as we dream together.

Each time we open our hearts as we listen, the chances of longing to be understood yourself expands into a horizon that is limitless. And it is only by then that we can luxuriate in the level of communication that defines us both as a couple and as separate, exquisite beings.

It's nice to hear from others how much they see us love each other at our best. But isn't it sweeter to hear it straight from each other how we are changed every day into something better with our love?

Imagine how peaceful relationships would be if everyone would be humble enough to overcome those fears, which are often, in fact, unidentified, and open one's self to communicating..

When we learn how to listen, that's the only time we can be truly heard.

Dori says...

Imagine talking to a wall, a flat, lifeless and blank wide space in a four-cornered enclosed room, all you would hear is a loud echo of your own voice. That's sometimes how people can best be described especially when coupled with emotions of anger in an argument or heated discussion. All you would hear is your opinion and anybody who would dare contradict should be prepared with Matrix moves and avoid all flying objects you would be throwing at the peak of your rage. So what actually happens is you yourself are not yet really open for communication since no strand of your hearing nerves is working, all shut down; just your blabber mouth and every muscle used for babbling are active.

You might ask, what about with positive emotions, say for example being so happy? It could be said that when you are happy, endorphins are high, so chemically speaking it's easier to channel which senses you would like working best since there is no constriction of vessels compared to when you're angry. You would be in such high spirits to welcome anybody who'd like to share their feelings and ideas with you, thus you both enter into the traffic-free highway of communication. Ever wonder why highways are also called interchange? Word Web explicitly defines it as a junction of highways on different levels that permits traffic to move from one to another without crossing traffic streams. Perfect. Just the right balance of talking and listening for people to meet at some junction and not cross boundaries yet allows for smooth interaction. In the process, both of you end up enriched, interchanged, transcending from I and myself and you and yourself to we and us.

Yes, the heart listens more intently than the ears. If these senses work in harmony, there will be less war, less fighting, less trouble in the world.. well, I might be going overboard in my faith to aim for world peace, so let me just go back in saying how heartwarming it feels every quiet moment spent reflecting on how we have, through time, improved on ourselves by trusting our fears are laid to rest in each other's heart vessels.

I'm so glad my fears are safe with you.

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