Friday, June 19, 2009

The Tension of Opposites

From Tuesdays with Morrie - Mitch Albom
"Have I told you about the tension of opposites?", he says.

The tension of opposites?

"Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.

A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle."

Sounds like a wrestling match, I say.

"A wrestling match." He laughs. "Yes, you could describe life that way."

So, which side wins, I ask?

"Which side wins?"

He smiles at me, the crinkled eyes, the crooked teeth.

"Love wins. Love always wins."

Auj says...

I have always favored this topic and series of exchanges between Morrie and Mitch. This was the solution to my adolescent questions of confusion. This served as one of the keys to the many doors of getting to know myself better. And now that I am moving huge steps forward, I wonder how these lines can help me once again.

The tension of opposites becomes alive to me each time I am torn between major decisions that envelope goodness or evil, want or need, things like that, which other people may regard as simple but naturally complex. This is something that you define of like knowing what is actually right, but still doing what is wrong. Or when you are trapped in the sense of putting aside yourself for the benefit of the ones you love, like family. And then you follow the usual advice of simply following your heart.

To leave my family and be on my own is a plan I have had for a long time but never really found the chance to do it at an earlier time. I went through extreme measures to live what is so called "my" life. Not that I was a rebel but I've always believed that we are all given a right to not allow others to live our lives for us. Even at some point. Or just one point. If we are that good. Or kind.

But everything has its time. There is that point where we begin and there is what we call ending. Even kindness has its own end. So again, once you reach the end, where do you begin?

With the concept of living together finally drawn clear, our schedule every week is a bit tough but we're able to manage. We alot particular days for each clan. That part is easy. But to combine them is not. There are just things that I see as consequences for each and every action or decision that we settle for. However, I believe that these are the same things we can settle too with the power of time.

Time is of the essence. Perfect.

But what about it and when?

That I can not answer. But guess what? I plan to just wait. For things to unravel on its own and define itself, justify itself, redeem itself. I personally believe for things to heal more permanently when you don't get too finicky about the whole idea. When we let the perfect time to dwell with us, even when uninvited.

It will arrive.

I do not fear of losing my credibility or being deprived for any worldly triumphs or trophies for that matter.. for choices that I have made on my own with the confidence that I also deserve something to achieve for myself. Leaving the ones we are so used to being with since our childhood is as difficult as the struggle of living together. But if there could be any reward for such bravery of my decisions, it's the wonderful presence of the one you want to spend your lifetime with that makes it all worth it.

Love wins. Love always wins.

Dori says...

I like this phrase the most - You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted. It hits me every time that probably this is the root why many relationships fail, whether it be romantic or familial. When time comes that you get so used to being treated a certain way and you feel it's routinary, you may react just two ways - first is you might feel like a growth retard and get bored especially if your family treats you still like the first grader they've nurtured eons ago and seem to forget you are indeed maturing, OR you may start thinking about ways to foster changes for this retardation to stop - live on your own, create variety in your relationship, and even try new ventures or adventures.

Indeed a tension of opposites having to live together and leave the familiar grounds we once called home as we now build anew our own home. The tension of family favors and expectations and coping with the scrumble of daily life. The opposites of being good and being right. The rigor of raising a challenging kid and working at home and earning a living. But at the end of the day, nothing but gratefulness reins in my heart as every struggle reminds me I am living it right when I let love make the decision for me. I agree everything has its time and it is my sincerest hope it will be kind to us that day will come soon when our families will finally mingle. I also faithfully believe that these tensions don't come close to the parallel force we have as we face each opposite now side by side.

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